I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
