i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
