Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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