I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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