Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
