You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
