I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
