watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
is it fun? or sober?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
