I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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