It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
