You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
