Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
