Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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