Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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