I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
