i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ate ashes out of my bong
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
