i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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