i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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