What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The adults are the big ones right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
