just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
