Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
