One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
