Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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