Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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