I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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