Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
