after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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