Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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