Non-Jews are for practice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
