Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
