he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
