fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
