at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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