I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
