You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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