Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
