Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
