Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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