youre lurking in front of me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That's when you crack a 10am beer
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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