White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
