I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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