I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
