Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
