YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
