Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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