You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
