some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
