haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
