That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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