I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
and you fell through a lawn chair
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
