Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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