My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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