I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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