ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
