At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
