chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize