Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
