So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
