my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
