the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
