we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
