you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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