You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want her autograph on my taint
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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