Porn is love you can see.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
