Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
