I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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