Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
