How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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