you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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