there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
