The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
