i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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