found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize