I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
