My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
