I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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