I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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