i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
