i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Drunk is not a location!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize