Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
