A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I will die if light touches me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
