Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
