So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
