i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
